Days and other days
It’s funny: most of my friends’ blogs have turned into accounts of their lives in reality, chronicles of the everyday, of projects, goals acheived, of the mundane. I don’t mean to say this to discredit or disregard them, nor to say this journal has never veered into that territory; in fact, I might say that the majority if the content of this blog has been merely a retelling of my daily events.
There are times, however, that I have more difficult or complex things to express, emotional topics or thoughts about the direction of my life. It used to be that when I’d write posts in that arena, I did so unselfconsciously, using the words to lay out, if not fully explain, how or what I was feeling. Now, though, I stop and wonder, “Is it OK, is it normal for me to be putting this into words let alone out for everyone to see?” I’m 26 now, after all, and shouldn’t I be more grounded?
Truth be told, I don’t feel grounded at all. I’ve never felt more out of control than I do now. That’s not to say my life is wild; I simply lack control over many of the factors in my life. It is in some ways like the life of a child, something for which I’ve heard many people express desire. (Let me reassure you: you can’t, and don’t want to, go back.) I think in part this contributes a great deal to the overwhelmingly emotional melodrama I experience on a near-daily basis, and I wonder if I only thought I’d grow out of it, if I never will, if anyone ever does or if it’s just the thin veneer of adulthood applied over top of our teenaged psyches that gives the appearance of composure and control.
I suppose, then, that these posts more than any others are the ones that matter to me. Sure, it’s nice to be able to look back and reminisce on past happenings, but these are topics I want confirmation on or communication about right now. It’s not that I’m looking for answers; if I thought anyone actually had any answers I’d have just Googled them. A simple acknowldgement, a you’re-not-crazy-or-stupid is more than enough. ![[WS]](/blog/media/end.gif)