They really do get a lot shorter the older you get. I just reread a post I wrote last January 31, about a little excursion I remember well. That was a year ago? Shit! Just think where I’ll be this time next year.
I think I’m going to sit down and write a whole list of things about the last 12 months and then make commentary. I commented to Liz that I was feeling remarkably better after last night’s brain dump. I forgot how therapeutic writing can be. More words, more! ![[WS]](/blog/media/end.gif)
What an absolute hell of a week and a half it’s been. I’ve been on the proverbial emotional rollercoaster, and you know how I hate rollercoasters. Part of me thinks, as I have thought many times before, that I’m simply a masochist, and that I thrive on the pain of loss. Who knows. I plan on starting up counseling again as soon as my new employer provides the benefits.
Chris has left the greater New Hampshire seacoast area, taking with him a hastily completed hat among other things. When I received word on Monday morning that he was leaving later that afternoon instead of the previously planned Wednesday, I rushed through weaving in the ends and making and sewing on the tag so that I could get it to him before he left. In retrospect, I’m not sure he wanted to be seen by me before making his quick getaway, but I felt it was important that he have it for the plane ride. I’m feeling better today than I have in a minute, but I fear that I’m still only halfway to believing he’s gone. Truthfully, I know it’s unwise and a little silly to feel like I do, but so it goes. He gave me a lot in a very short time; it was potent and I’m still reeling from it. My aim now is to not forget the lessons learned.
How veiled.
Speaking on the larger portrait of these last few, I’ve done a little consulting with my mother, who brought to light an excellent point and correlation I might not ever have made myself. She suggested that my falling in with the Court House crowd is merely my desire for the old familiar ways expressing itself. A group of college-aged kids just starting out on their own, having fun, drama, cohabitation, was so comfortable to me. This time, though, I fell into a group that was disintegrating. It was almost as though I arrived just in time to watch a star go nova. The timing of it all, combined with the (relatively) minor changes I’m undertaking right now, is far too perfect to be regarded as an accident. I left Troy in part because I could no longer support myself financially, yes, but also because I could not sustain my emotional health on that social diet. But following the months of relative seclusion here in the woods, I so strongly craved a taste of that old food that when I found a tasty-looking morsel, I shoved it in my face with nary a thought. To my surprise, it was bittersweet! Ah, now I see: “You really shouldn’t eat that anymore. You don’t much care for it.”
Now, I don’t want this to be misconstrued. I love dearly every one of the souls I’ve picked up on this little adventure, and would not trade their friendship or this set of experiences for anything. One night Christopher said to me, “You are where you’re supposed to be,” which is a bit of rhetoric I’d heard many times before. I told him “I am where I am, and I learn from every situation I’m given,” my standard phrase on the matter for a while now. It’s more than a semantic difference, of course, and I’m finally starting to think he and the others have been right all along. Might be time to change my line.
Here it is, finally, a photo of my very first real project. This is just before it came off the needles.
I think I was overly worried about spreading the decreases out toward the end and I really tightened it up quick, which makes the whole thing a little bit short when it’s off the head. Fortunately, the welting gives it a lot of vertical stretch and it fits perfectly on its owner. Give me a little time to get it all finished up and give it to the lad and I will try to get a photo of it being modeled.
Just letting you know it’s snot-freezingly cold out there for the first time this winter.
I had a decent day in: after sleeping until 11 this morning, I knit for a time and watched Aeon Flux (the animated series, not the live-action movie). Errands and a shepherd’s pie, which was delicious, came later. Now, after a little technology assisted socializing, I’m going back to the hat. Pictures are coming soon, as it needs to be finished soon in order to make its flight to San Francisco with its new owner. I do and also do not look forward to finishing it, but, unlike Penelope, I am all too aware that my delaying the completion of this “shroud” will not put off the inevitable.
I hate that it is such a big deal adjusting your top friends on MySpace. Today I added four new slots to accommodate some very important people in my life. I am happy to see them there.